Autism and the Art of Manipulation

Human beings are born with an inherent capacity to lie. Now before you go all moralistic on me and say, “What nonsense I never lie” I can show you a zillion instances where we lie….we don’t call it lying, we call it being politically correct.

Your best friend gives you a top that is horrendous and she talks of how after a lot of searching she found this top and felt it was the perfect gift for you. What do you do? The poor woman has obviously taken a lot of effort so yes you muster your best fake smile and say it’s gorgeous!

You are called for dinner and the main course is horribly salty and no one else seems to notice yet you thank your hostess for a wonderful meal perhaps even praising the wonderful main course!

People on the spectrum find it very difficult to lie and for them, things are mostly Black or White. I remember taking Dhruv to meet this specialist who apart from being a brilliant doctor is also a well-known singer with a band of his own. After seeing Dhruv’s musicality he shared a music video of his own and asked if Dhruv liked it and to my horror, the kid goes No! The Doctor thankfully did not take any offense as he understands Autism and with his experience has seen a whole lot of people on the spectrum.

So now we come to the point of this post. Yesterday Dhruv and I went for one of his favorite outings, the drum circle at the Community Drumjam where he loved being there absorbing all the music around. On our return leg, he told me, “Tomorrow Dhruv not well, not going to school.” A bit concerned I checked for fever but didn’t find any. After dinner he was most insistent I message his class teacher that he would be absent. I sent him to bed but not before he happily watched one of the music reality shows. I kept waking up to check if he is sick and waited for that dreaded sentence of his, “I want to throw up,” which typically happens when he is sick…it didn’t!

In the morning I woke him up and he said, “No school, Dhruvy not going.” I realized he probably is ok but like typical kids, he is also trying to get out of school which is great because let’s face it, he is learning to manipulate.

Any other parent would have been aghast the kid is lying in order to escape school (which he never does frankly as he loves school). However, I see it as a milestone that he is slowly picking up the ways of the world and trying to manipulate me.

It reminded me of the last scene in PK where Anushka says, “PK chala gaya lekin jhoot bholna seekh gaya” or some such words to that effect.